Wednesday, May 23, 2007

10:53 and all is well...

"goodnight my little twinkies."

I am pretty sure that is an insult...I do enjoy your title though. ::sigh:: one day...what!? nothing nevermind. For the record I have been nervously picking at my face because real life is swiftly approaching...like in two days. Damn.

I just took my glasses off and I can feel my left eye feverishly attempting to compensate for its football- shaped comrade. Despite, the immense amount of rice I devoured only an hour or so ago my stomach is sending friendly, but not so pleasant reminders up to my mind the result of which is leaving this weird bubbly fire feeling in my throat. I can only assume that the interaction between my stomach and my mind is a rather awkward one. "Oh! hello there" my mind exclaims the hairy caveman that is my stomach as hi pokes his elongated forehead in the my minds small windowless corner office. "Do come in," the caveman enters, "Did you want a cup of tea?" My stomach just looked at my mind. "Oh! I beg your pardon...you probably can't even...HELLO...ME...MIND," my mind bangs on chest which seemed a feat in and of itself. I wouldn't say that my mind was hefty, I feel as though that would be somewhat arrogant, even though I would certainly not mean it THAT way. I just wouldn't say that it was thin, it's just that one wouldn't imagine a creature of it's strange boxy stature to be banging on its own chest like that. It wasn't very tall, but no one would use 'short' when describing my mind to an old classmate, but rather they would fumble over adjectives that seem to be stuck somewhere off and up to the left. Soon they will get distracted and go out for drinks.

"ME MIND..." still banging, "YOU...YOU..well um...who exactly are you?" At this point my mind had given up the yelling but continued to make big gestures. My stomach sighed, leaned against the wall, and pulled a ivory package of cigarettes from the tuft of the Bangle Tiger fur that was covering his left breast and started spanking it.

At this point my body pulls itself out of the broken black computer chair, wonders to the bathroom, picks at a zit, pops back into the kitchen area, boils water, returns to the broken chair feeling somewhat dissatisfied and still fingering the irritated blemish on my left cheek.

"I'm Jeff."
"Oh, hello Jeff!" My mind winced and then turned a shade of warm gray, "I should really apologize...I didn't mean to talk to you like...well...like..."
"An idiot?"
"Ha! oh, oh no heavens no...oh hahaha..." my stomach shifted his weight, favoring his right hip. "Right then, well I do apologize."
"Fine."

The corner office was quiet then, a considerable amount of time passed and as it did the air in the room seemed to thicken the way pudding does when refrigerated.

"So um...what is it you said that you did?"
"I didn't," Jeff rolled an unlit cigarette around his knuckles, he didn't drop or break it and appeared to be quite pleased with himself. My mind walked over to him and offered him a light. Jeff stepped back and halfway stumbled out of the corner office into the hallway. He thought he had managed to save himself from a rather embarrassing spill but just at the moment of gravitational understanding he smacked into a figure that had been carrying a rather rotund balloon heavy with puppets and sleeping pigeons. Jeff along with the figure and his slumbering load milted into a puddle of arms, legs, feathers, and Bangle Tiger fur. The balloon burst and the pigeons mounted the puppets and they flew off leaving a bowl of spaghetti in their wake.

"What the hell was that?!" Jeff exclaimed, fully intact cigarette still in hand.
The figure shook and stumbled to its feet. "Oh my goodness! I must apologize, I didn't mean...would you still like me to light your cigarette?" The figure snatched the tiny white stick from Jeff's hand and ate it, this time Jeff felt no need to inquire. The figure then turned into a pack of fruit snacks and scrunched away. Again, Jeff didn't question it.

"Dr. Dreams," my mind explained.
Jeff nodded and then asked, "is he..sh..it really a doctor?"
"Should he be?"
"So he then?"

At this point my body was halfway finished with a bowl so semi-appetizing spaghetti made from leftover noodles and a jar of my roommate's pasta sauce.

What?"
"He's a he?"
"Who?"
"The doctor"
"Doctor Who...hahahahahahahha!" My mind laughed so hard at this that the short arms that were used earlier for chest banging were at it again but this time the victim was the knees. They blushed.
"Are you done?" Jeff asked.
"Yes," my mind said standing upright once again. Then my mind's lip curled exposing teeth that were fencing in more uncontrollable laughter. The fence gave way, and my mind's knees accepted their beating.

"You know, it really wasn't even that funny.." Jeff attempted "...I came up here..." my mind had really lost it "...I came from the digestive system..." my mind let up a bit..."I'm Stomach."
"Oh?" my mind asked now a brilliant rosy gray.
"Yes, and some of the the guys down there are really concerned with some of Jamie's new dietary choices."
"I see," my mind replied. This was the first time Jeff noticed the flimsy glasses that sat rather pretentiously on my minds face.
"Yes, we...well I haven't seen anything except brown rice, and soup broth, well...a strange amount of tofu..."
"And?"
"And?...and! and I'm freaking starving!" Jeff was yelling now, "I haven't seen a burrito in like a week, and what about caesar? I thought that was the mind-stomach happy medium. And a chai latte with an add shot, I think I would kill..." Jeff looked up to see my mind doing something like calculating on a small machine behind his desk. "What are you doing?"
"Oh just checking my email," my mind didn't look up.
"But what...I...wha.."
"Look," my mind glanced at Jeff over his weak little specks, "hypolactasia."
"What did you call me?!"
"We are lactose intolerant, we don't do dairy."
"Yes we do."
"No...we don't"
"Look that lactard stuff goes bad down in my turf buddy, it had nothing to do with you and your crazy puppet carrying friends."
"Dr. Dream is a well respected member of this community..."
"Look, no more rice. Master P is coming soon and rice won't cut it."
"Are you suggesting that a Rap musicia..."
"No, you know Master P...our monthly visitor...our should I say total pain in th..."
"Are you referring to menstruation?" Jeff gags. "Oh come now man, grow up a little."
"You have no idea! You don't know the things I've seen!" Jeff begins to cry.
The room grew quiet, at this point it seemed as though someone had left the pudding air in the fridge too long and it began to turn. The room faded slightly to a darker shade of gray.
"Look, it's 10:40 pm she's starting to blink a lot."
"I know"
"Don't be upset, that's the last thing we need."
"har har" Jeff was slumped over and looked as though he was whispering to his own bellybutton. My mind walked over to him and handed him a puppet. Jeff looked up at my mind, the inner points of his eyebrows pointed up and inward. My mind put the puppet into Jeff's arms and lead him down the pink corridors of my skull. They came to a door that read "LARYNX EXIT", my mind opened the door, assured Jeff of the attempts my mind would surly make, and then closed the door to the exit. Jeff made his way back through the Trachea, then stopped, glance back at the shut door, then down at the puppet in his hands. He noticed that the puppet wasn't made of felt or even a brown paper bag like a proper puppet. The puppet consisted of the stuff of muffled itchiness.

"Bastard." Jeff thought to himself as he walked empty handed toward his nook between J.T. Spleen and Richard Pancreas.

Sorry, that was long.
-JR

1 comment:

Libby said...

Um, this was so great. A little hard to follow at first, but worth the persistence...

Poor Jamie (and all who she consists of) and her lactardation. Sad sad world...

I love Jamie.